So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
