I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
