i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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