oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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