C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
