dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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