Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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