highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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