I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
