Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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