I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
