You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
