Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
