I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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