You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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