All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize