if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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