my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
