i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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