At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
