well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina