why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
