She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left