So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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