You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?