onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.