Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?