I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?