there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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