he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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