I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
