He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
