and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
MIDGETS
????
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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