Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize