I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
