everyone is single if you try hard enough
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
