He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
