just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
