I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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