fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
