I don't usually arrange sex via text message
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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