If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dick very happy bro
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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