Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
