so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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