i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
