my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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