Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The air taste purple.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
