Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
