I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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