Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
