I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
