I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
