high people should be assigned attendants
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
