god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
