She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
