my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
