Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
