The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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