You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize