8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I party with great urgency now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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