he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
