I CAN MOONWALK!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
