This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
