You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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