3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
