they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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