i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm both gender and math confused
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
