You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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