I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
