I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
