never play flip cup with pint glasses
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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