there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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