I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
