We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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