this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
