would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there was a trapeze. enough said
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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