dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
