He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
